You are help to the helpless, Strength to the stranger, And a Father to the child that's left alone, You've invited the thirsty to come to the water,

You are my Father, You are my future and destiny, You are my Father, In You I find my identity, Tell me who I am, I can do all things if you say I can, Show me I am free, Free to accomplish Your plan for me

I was running and You found me, I was blinded and you gave me sight, You put a song of praise in me, I was broken and you healed me, I was dying and you gave me life, Lord You are my identity

You are not forgotton, You are not forgotten, You are not a forgotten child, Let me whisper it loud I love you,

God give us a heart, give us Your heart. 

                                                                                           - Israel New Breed (A Deeper Level)

Be Transformed

BISHIBOSHI!!! - played for the first time a few days ago!!

Anyways, I haven't posted for so long.  So I thought I'd mention what I learned this Summer.

Today, after our softball game, devotions was on Transfomation. It was fitting because the theme of CCSA has actually been "Be Transformed." With transformation comes change. With the topic of transformation and change being shared, it helped me to understand what I've been going through this past year especially in my first year at York. I thought I knew so much about faith, prayer, God, love, grace... but there's so much new, fresh understanding, experience and realizations that people seem to be going through lately.

A Bruised Reed and a Smouldering Wick

POTENTIAL – people have potential.

I love people who bring out the best in me. People who encourage me and spur me and make me believe that I have so much to offer esp during times where I feel so inadequate. That I can be significant. We need to start bringing out the best in each other. Let’s make people pretty.

Fruits: It’ll come down to your fruits. Ministry and serving are great, but besides all that, the greatest way of reaching out to people is how you love them.

CCF: It was so good seeing how the execs responsed to the little or BIG fruit tree and the scrapbooks. Froshies, I’m so glad we did this. I feel like it was such a great encouragement to all the execs and they were honestly so touched and they really appreciated it. SEE? This is what I mean – we need to encourage each other, it doesn’t always have to be in ways like this, but do you see how powerful encouragement is? Acts of love like this? Love overcomes, love never fails. There is power in love.

Future committee – so it’s DONE! Committee for CCF is officialized and I’m so PUMPED! Hearing all the candidates speak was such a blessing! We all had so much in common to share that by the time Helen’s turn came up, she practically had nothing to say cuz we all said it for her. 3 main things we agreed on:

1) CCF has Potential, we have the potential to EXPLODE! When I picture CCF – I see something coming into a person and being so much that it explodes outside of that person and not just out into air but bursting out TO OTHER people.  

2) Overflow of Love – what it comes down to, don’t miss the mark.

3) Relationships – building COMMUNITY – there is healing in sharing.

With all that said, I hope for BIG things. I want to be a dreamer again! I feel like this year I wanted to be safe. I stayed comfortable and let alot of hurts and discouragement hinder me from exploding. Maybe I needed it to learn about myself and become a self-controlled, disciplined and more wiser person. First year was basically first year for me, lotsa hardship, loneliness and tough stuff, but all of it to BECOME someone new.

Does anybody need prayer?

Recap of thoughts after CCF:

I've learned so much this year at York. If this is just my first year at York I can't wait to see what's ahead. I'm so excited!!! So these are just some thoughts that I'd like to share.

“Eagerly desire the greater gifts.” – 1 Cor 12:31 What are the greater gifts? I think what comes to mind are gifts of prophecy, interpretation of tongues and healing. These gifts are great but more than that, God really looks at the heart of his believers and desires us to have gifts that build our character. God looks at the heart. If you continue to read on from 1 Cor 12:31 it says “and now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” – 1 Cor 13: 1-3

This is the greater gift. The gift of LOVE – this is the most excellent way. The gift of mercy, encouragement and edification. Coming back from the CCF retreat I realized how powerful  edification, encouragement and love are. There is so much strengthening and building up of the body of Christ that comes from encouraging. Words are so important. The littlest words we say can also deeply wound others. “The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark… with the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.” – James 3:9 I never knew how powerful encouragement was. Probably because I never knew how discouraged people were. Even the strongest Christians need to be encouraged, actually, esp servants who are placed in leadership. That’s another thing I realized, after the CCF retreat leaders are burntout. That results in discouragement, anxiety and frustration. Encouragement can totally flip things around. Encouragement can totally change a person’s attitude and strengthen people in ways you’d never expect.  

I was also exposed to a lot of my weaknesses. Things that I really want to change about myself. I think I’ve been dealing with a lot of insecurities esp with people. I know I can be really sensitive to the littlest things and there’s so much about me that I find intimidating about people. Esp when I meet people for the first time and in group settings. It’s so silly because there’s so much freedom in being exposed and transparent. The more I hide myself, the more I feel like I’m just ruining and deteriorating inside. I’m really trying to practice sharing.

Don’t miss the mark – LOVE. I just came back from a CCF retreat where the speaker shared a story that to me, really embodied what it is to love. To ache for someone, to identify with them and burden what they are burdening. A friend of mine went on a missionary trip where he visited a hospital to facilitate people with cancer. There was a young boy with an unusually large tumour on the side of his neck that caused his head to hang limb. Along with this, he also was dealing with other internal problems that made it difficult for him to breathe. This missionary spent a good 30 minutes just talking and being in the presence of this young boy and the boy just began to cry. In a country where the sick are cast off, the idea of a foreigner spending his time with someone sick and subjugated was so unfamiliar to this boy. So he began to cry… because he felt cared for, he felt sympathy, compassion, he felt LOVED.   

Beauty in the Brokenness: I had no idea that so many people were just broken. I was so shocked that people were going through so much. People are so hurt and empty and depressed. This was such a difficult realization for me this week. I would have never known that people were dealing with these difficulties or have had these kinds of pasts. But one thing God has shown me is that he never wastes a weakness. He never wastes a hurt. Isn’t that amazing? Lord, “let light shine out of darkness.” (2 Cor 4:6) People are so broken. But where there is brokenness there is mending and healing. We are like jars of clay. We are like bruised reeds and smouldering wicks. We are so fragile and weak. “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us…Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Cor 4:16)  

ONIONS: people have so much depth. There are so many layers behind what ppl think they see. Things that are so hidden about a person that I want to see unraveled. There’s so much potential in people. You can learn so much from people that you feel like you don’t click with. WOW. People are so deep. CCF – Christians that I have met at CCF are so beautiful. I’m so blessed to know and come across the people that I know. I’m so excited for what’s ahead. God is really preparing me for something amazing. Everything from my relationship with people to how I can serve at CCF. And looking back from the beginning of the year to where I am right now, I see how God kind of took a step back from me to go through so many struggles in order for me to sympathize with people who are going through the same difficulties I went through in the beginning of the year. Things that I wouldn’t be able to completely understand if I didn’t go through it myself. God never wastes a hurt.

I’m so excited for what’s ahead. I really want to serve. I feel like I’ve received so much this year and I want to give back to God. Coming back from the retreat, God really pressed on my heart what I can do to stand in the gap. This was a new term for me. “Standing in the Gap.”  Hehehe…  when soldiers are in a battle, they need to be stationed exactly where they are supposed to be and if they’re not, it’s super obvious because when the army is marching there will be a gap where you were supposed to be stationed. I’m trying to stand in my gap right now. I want to see where God is placing me and be completely devoted to how he wants to use me. Right now, I feel like God is putting on me a heart for women, especially broken women. And also intercessory prayer. I was talking to someone else about Korean women and this passing gift for Korean women to be interceders. God is answering my prayers – I’m beginning to find community, I’m sharing with beautiful women who have so much potential and personality. I’m so blessed! I want to build on these relationships. I realized everyone needs community, people need people, people need relationships. How can YOU stand in your gap?

Affirmation: I really love it when people affirm an uncertainty. Or when you're sure about something and someone agrees with you or tells you what you were thinking without knowing that you had that same thought. Brothers and Sisters, give me affirmation!

Intercessory Prayer: Heavenly Father, give peace to your Children. Where there is darkness, shine your light. Remind us of your unfailing Love and overpowering Grace. To those who have experienced this, help us radiate this love and grace to others who live in darkness, fear and depression. Thank you Lord that brokenness is not terrible. Thank you that through brokenness, we can be restored, revived, mended and complete. I pray that you would draw those who are empty and burdened to find rest in you. Bring unity, make us one so that the world can see that you only are God. Lord, I pray that this generation would be a generation that radically loves. In Jesus name.